


I'm A Walking Travesty

by walkingtr4vesty



Category: All Time Low
Genre: Anxiety, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-05
Updated: 2013-03-05
Packaged: 2017-12-04 09:50:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/709396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkingtr4vesty/pseuds/walkingtr4vesty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Give me therapy,” Alex whispered.<br/>“I’m a walking travesty,” Rian whispered back. “We all are. None of us are perfect. You don’t have to be either. Now get your butt back in there because I hear Dear Maria. Be the Alex everyone loves, drunk or sober.”</p>
<p>In which Alex is convinced he screwed up big time, and seriously considers some stupid options, and Rian has a thing for singers, and is too nice to make the right relationship decisions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm A Walking Travesty

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, this is my first thing on here so aside from all the be nice pls, I'm new, I just wanted to say that I hope I haven't been offensive about any band members/crew members/fans/whatever and pls pls pls let me know if I have? I don't think I have, but I never upload things about real people, whether they'll see it or not, so I'm not quite sure what the guidelines are.  
> And I hope it doesn't look like I've taken advantage of Alex's anxiety or anything... Search the video on youtube 'what all time low does when Alex Gaskarth runs off stage' or something like that. This is what this is based around.  
> Also, no offence intended to the guy who they got up to sing Sugar. I was joking I promise... It was very brave of you, whoever you are!  
> Ok I think I've apologised enough. Helena, if you're reading this, I hope you like it haha :')  
> I'm sorry the summary is crap. If you're here, thank you for clicking on it anyway!!  
> 

Alex slid down the wall outside the Eagles Ballroom in Milwaukee, sipping a plastic cup of water that someone had handed to him, and breathing deeply. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get over this unless he calmed down, but he was so fucking mad that he’d had to run out during the penultimate night of the Believers Never Die tour. He must look so stupid right now. They were probably in their having a right laugh at him. A lot of the fans weren’t even All Time Low fans. The majority of them were Fall Out Boy fans, although Cobra Starship had dragged a fair few with them. Pete would never let him live this down. Gabe wouldn’t either.  
God, Jack would never let him forget this. He’d tease him mercilessly. And Zack. They’d remind him forever. Alex knew that it was just their way of dealing with the fact that one of their best friends was completely fucked up, but he didn’t ever want to be reminded of tonight again.  
And Rian. This meant so much to poor old potato Dawson (although Alex detested that nickname. He knew Rian hated it and that was enough). He’d really fucked everything up this time.  
He might as well not go back in. He might as well not go back. What was it worth now? He’d let his three best mates down, he’d embarrassed himself in front of some of his favourite bands, and a lot of judgemental fans, and worst of all, he’d ruined it for Rian.  
Alex began to breathe heavily again, and he had to shakily hurry over the nearest bin to spill his guts. This was awful. He returned to his position on the cold, hard pavement slowly, a few tears leaking out of his eyes. He hugged his knees to his chest and rested his head atop them. His hair was sweaty and his face was wet with tears and sweat. Maybe it would be better if he just -  
“Alex! Breathe!”  
Alex turned to see Rian running towards him, a drumstick tucked behind his ear, much like someone would stick a pencil there. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Rian slid down next to him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.  
“What’re you doing here Rian?”  
“Someone had to check you were ok,” Rian shrugged.  
“What’s going on in there?” Alex asked.  
“Jack and Zack are playing Blink. Flyzik is singing, and Grieco is banging my drums. Badly.”  
There was silence for a moment, before Alex spoke again. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, leaning his head onto Rian’s shoulder. “I’ve fucked everything up this time.”  
“No, you haven’t Alex. Shut up. It’s not your fault.”  
“It is my fault Rian. I’m so sorry.”  
“It could have happened to any of us Al.”  
“No it couldn’t. No one else ever runs off stage.”  
“Alex this has only happened about three times before, back when we were a crap little Baltimore band. It doesn’t mean anything. Remember our biggest gig?”  
“The one at the DC festival?”  
“Yeah. With, like, Blink, and Green Day, My Chem, Fall Out Boy… We thought we were big then. We’re so much bigger now. We can only keep on getting bigger.”  
“Yeah, but right now this is like, the biggest deal.”  
“Yeah, ok. But there’ll be other shows Alex. There’s another one tomorrow.”  
“No, there won’t. I can’t keep fucking up like this Rian.”  
“Gaskarth, Jesus Christ. This is one time. And you’re still feeling crap. Sit tight for a minute, and then you can think properly.” Rian drew Alex into his chest, and Alex felt very small all of a sudden. “Listen to me, Gaskarth,” he said into his ear softly. “You are one quarter of this band. Dare I say, the most important quarter? I mean, we’re all pretty important of course, and I’m very important, but seriously Lex, there are people that come just to see you. To thank you. You write the most inspiring songs. Therapy, Lex. Remembering Sunday. Jasey Rae. Alex you’ve saved people’s lives. Not us. You. People look up to you because you’ve been through shit. If you dare leave, then we’ll all fall apart. We’re not a band without you.”  
“Ri… I’ve screwed up so badly.”  
“Shut the hell up, Alex. No you haven’t. This is just another thing people will remember you for. For coming the fuck back on and showing that you’re stronger than this. Anyway, it’s only Fall Out Boy. God, I don’t even like them that much,” Rian grinned, and he grinned even wider when Alex managed a small smile himself.  
“Shut up, you idolise Pete,” Alex replied, sounding far more like himself.  
“Nah, if anything I idolise Patrick. Got a thing for singers,” Rian replied.  
“Yeah. Cassadee.”  
“No, Alex. You.” he whispered.  
“Yeah, but…”  
“Lex.”  
“Tell her then,” Alex whispered back. “I can’t deal with sneaking around everywhere like high school kids. I’m fucked up enough as it is.”  
“You’re not fucked up, and don’t you dare turn this round on me Gaskarth,” Rian almost shouted, but he knew that Alex was pretty fragile right now, so he tried to keep his voice down. “It’s not my fault. I just… I can’t tell Cass. I like her a lot. And I like you a lot.”  
“Me more?” Alex suggested hopefully.  
“Yeah. I do like you more. But I feel bad for Cass, Alex. She’s lovely and she doesn’t deserve me turning my back on her.”  
“Yeah…” Alex agreed. “I understand. But Ri… you’ve got to pick one of us.”  
“I know,” Rian sighed. “I will… eventually.”  
“Who?”  
“I’ll pick you. But I can’t tell Cass yet.”  
“But…”  
“Shush,” Rian said, rubbing Alex’s back soothingly. “Shush Al. Stop panicking. Oh, listen. I hear Sugar.” If Alex got to worry about most things, then Rian would sure as hell be the one to worry about where their relationship was going.  
“Oh my god, can you hear that guy singing?” Alex laughed properly for the first time that evening. He was grateful that his best mates kept buying him more time outside though. “He’s worse than you Ri.”  
“Hey,” Rian laughed, nudging Alex in the shoulder.  
“I have to go back in,” Alex said softly after a moment.  
“You don’t. You have a choice Lex.”  
“I owe it to you guys. This is Fall Out Boy Rian.”  
“Pete Wentz could do with taking down a peg or two…”  
Alex laughed again, and then he went quiet. “Ri… I want to stop this.”  
“What?” Rian asked, squeezing Alex’s shoulder, although he already had a pretty good idea.  
“I want to stop going on stage drunk. I want to stop running off stage. I want to do it properly.”  
“You’ve been doing it properly the whole time Lex. You can just do it differently now. I want you to stop too. But you’re not Gerard Way. You’re not addicted, you’re suffering from anxiety. We’ll help you get better Alex.”  
“Give me therapy,” Alex whispered.  
“I’m a walking travesty,” Rian whispered back. “We all are. None of us are perfect. You don’t have to be either. Now get your butt back in there because I hear Dear Maria. Be the Alex everyone loves, drunk or sober.”  
“Rian…” Alex whispered, wiping at his eye absently. He took a deep breath. “Thank you. Come on. Grieco’s murdering your drums.”  
Twenty seconds later Alex bounded back on stage, with his guitar, as if he’d only gone for a piss, and Rian settled himself back in his seat.  
“Hey,” Alex yelled over the roar of the crowd. “I don’t normally make speeches like this on songs like this one. But this time, I just want to say, that this song goes out to anyone who thinks they’re alone. You’re fucking not, I swear to God. If nothing else, I’m always here. I thought I was alone too. But none of us are. Not really. Remember that guys.”  
Rian beamed proudly at his best friend, who might soon be more… hopefully. They wouldn’t be All Time Low without Alex. Alex saved lives.


End file.
